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Freedom From Narcissistic Abuse

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August 18, 2018August 18, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Journey From the Cave

July 23, 2018July 23, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Why You Can’t Let the Narcissist Shut You Up

June 29, 2018June 29, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Stop Telling Me I Can’t be Political and a Christian Too

June 25, 2018June 25, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Book Review – Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon

June 7, 2018June 7, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Don’t Let the Narcissist Accuse You of Living in the Past

June 3, 2018June 3, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

God as Our Mother

June 1, 2018June 1, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

If My Wounds Were Visible

May 26, 2018May 27, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Book Review-Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again

May 18, 2018May 26, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Narcissistic Feed

May 14, 2018May 14, 2018 Cherilyn Clough

Remembering the Good, Even When it’s Bad

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Welcome to Little Red Survivor Freedom From Narcissistic and Religious Abuse

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As a survivor of childhood abuse, I finally discovered narcissism and how it affects every member of the family. If you’ve just discovered what narcissism entails, you have my sympathy, but relax, you’ll soon learn to negotiate all the pitfalls and move from surviving to thriving. Don’t let the Narcissist and Flying Monkeys get you down, because knowledge is power and it’s now your turn to rise!

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What can you do when your family members accuse you of lying, prevaricating and embellishing? How can you reconcile such accusations when the people who really know you, say they value you because you have a direct and authentic personality? Or your husband says he married you because you are the most scary honest person he’s ever known? I’ve had years to think about this because I grew up in a family held together by a web of lies. My parents claimed to be of a certain denomination which they believed has the truth, but they haven’t been to church for thirty years. They taught me to say I was homeschooled, but they never bought the books. They taught me to say I was from Montana, but that was after they were from Washington and Oregon and before they became Alaskans. They taught me to lie for their convenience to church friends, relatives and bill collectors, but when I finally started telling the truth, they called me a liar. It’s all part of the game I could never win. All my life, I’ve been telling stories. I told them to my younger siblings. I told them to my friends and I told them around campfires, dinner tables and at church. Like my paternal grandmother, I love nothing more than to find an audience and share a good story. My family has tried to shame me and discredit me for telling the truth, but I’ve discovered a name for those of us who tell stories. I am a Seanchaidh—or Shanachie—the ancient Gaelic word for story teller. We are the family historians. We share the archetypical truths even when we write fiction. I’ll always be an advocate and survivor for those abused by narcissistic parents, but this journey has reminded me of my original calling—the call I had when I was seven. I am a Shanachie—a story teller. I embrace the truth and embellish it to recite and write the best stories I can tell. What has the narcissist accused you of? How can you flip it and own it? #shanachie #seanchai #seanchaidh #storyteller #story #yourstorymatters #survivor #littleredsurvivor #flipit #ownit

It’s Freedom Friday, Friends! Forgiveness can seem like a dirty word—especially if you grew up with a narcissist who told you to “forgive and forget.” In some cases this phrase was used to bully victims and ignore the abuse to pretend it never happened. Many of us have discovered there is a wide difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. To forgive is to let go of revenge and focus on better things, but forgiveness doesn’t require reconciliation with someone who continues to abuse us. If someone is lying to you and about you, forgiving them won’t make them any safer. Jesus told us to forgive our enemies, but he didn’t send us on a fool’s errand to go back for more abuse. People often cite the verse where he tells us to turn the other cheek, but even that was subversive; it was telling the person who did the hitting to strike like an equal, because the first strike was backhanded. One of the clearest ways Jesus suggested “No Contact” was when he told his followers to shake the dust from their feet if someone rejects their message. Some have taken this to be an offensive move while they shake the dust from their feet to shame others, but shame never comes from God. The Sermon on the Mount is centered on loving each other and living peacefully with even our enemies. This doesn’t require us to allow continued abuse, but that we not add to the patterns of war and abuse ourselves. So when someone doesn’t agree with us, we don’t have to announce our disgust, it’s better to silently walk away. This is what it means to go no contact. If someone can’t be honest or treat us with respect, then we are both better off if we walk away. This is not a walk of bitterness—it’s a release. It’s letting go of what we can’t control and it’s walking away to freedom. #freedomfriday #forgiveness #narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #survivor #lettinggo #unfuckwithable #takeyourpowerback #littleredsurvivor

It’s Wake Up Wednesday Friends! I’ve never forgotten when my husband and I bought our first brand new sofa. My parents criticized us to family members saying we were being irresponsible to buy a new piece of furniture. My sister called me to tell me what they said, so I called my parents to confront them, but they denied they said anything. Within ten minutes of getting off the phone, my sister called back to say, “Mom called me, but I told her I never said anything, and if she asks again, I’ll say the same, so just leave me out of it.” Later when I brought this up to my parents and sister they denied it ever happened. Two things kept me sane—my husband, who was a witness and the fact I write down my stories. Gaslighting is a manipulative technique used by the narcissist to create confusion in the mind of their victims. It includes lying to get them to question the facts or their own memory. Sometimes the narcissist recruits flying monkeys. People who think they are going crazy or can’t trust their memories won’t stand up for truth and might fail to fight for themselves when it really matters. If you’ve been gaslighted, look for proofs of dates through photographs, death certificates and school records. Then look for informed witnesses—people outside the family who knew you and can verify some details. If you think you are currently being gaslighted, keep a diary. Gaslighting is one of the most damaging and cruel tricks of the narcissist because it uses lies to undermine the confidence in a victim’s own mind. It’s diabolical because it plants lie in their mind and robs them of the truth. Jesus said the truth will set you free. No matter what the narc and flying monkeys say, hang onto the truth for your own sanity. #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #narcissist #narcissism #lies #narcissisticabuse #survivor #littleredsurvivor #wakeupwednesday

Little Red Survivor ©2018 Cherilyn Clough

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