After years of emotional abuse and verbal put downs,
Ava finally found stood up to the narcissist
and went no contact.
She found more peace in her life,
but then she started getting phone calls from her sister.
Ava had always gotten along with her sister, but now her sister was checking up on her. At first it was very subtle, but soon it became apparent that her sister felt Ava was being mean to their mother. Ava asked why she felt this way and her sister launched into an all-out attack on Ava. She called Ava, selfish, irresponsible and coldhearted.
Ava was shocked and felt betrayed. Her sister knew what mom was like, but she now took their mother’s side. Feeling alone and cut off Ava finally had to stop answering her sister’s calls.
Ava didn’t realize what was happening, but her sister had become a flying monkey. If you’ve ever watched the Wizard of Oz, you probably know about flying monkeys. Flying monkeys often don’t realize what they’re doing. They become the extension of the narcissist to attack whoever the narcissist is upset with.
The narcissist acts like the director of a play. From the narc’s point of view, people are only as good as whatever they can use them for. If they can’t use you for anything else, they will make you into their scapegoat. Once they get a scapegoat, they recruit the flying monkeys whose goal is to pressure you into whatever the Narc want you to do, or shame you for not going along with the Narc’s plans in the first place.
Flying monkeys are vulnerable to the narcissist because they often don’t have their own opinions. They are followers who reflect what other people say. Their toxic remarks are not their own, but reflect the opinion of the narcissist.
There is good news and bad news about flying monkeys. The good news is they really don’t know what they are talking about, so you don’t need to take them too seriously. Their comments are just more smoke and mirrors from the malignant narcissist. The bad news is they will need to learn to think for themselves before they can see the light and be a good friend to you.
In moments like this, it might feel like the narcissist has all the friends, but that’s not true. Narcissists don’t have close friends because they don’t know how to nurture anyone–unless they are grooming them for narcissistic feed.
Now you know you can’t trust the flying monkeys. The booby prize goes to the poor flying monkey who has been tricked into trading your good and honest friendship for the lies of the narcissist. But you can’t tell them this, they will need to discover it for themselves.