Gaslighting

5 May

When you tell the truth and the narcissist doesn’t like it, they will employ a method called gaslighting. The term comes from an old 1944 movie where a husband tries to play with his wife’s mind until she doesn’t believe her own instincts and memory.

The narcissist gaslights you because they hope to confuse you and make you doubt yourself. If they can get you to doubt yourself, then you won’t remind them or anyone else about what they are lying about.

Feet

It starts like this: You say you remember such and such, and they say you don’t even know what you are talking about this and that happened instead. Now you know the truth, so you insist on it. Then if they can’t get you to forget or think you don’t remember, they will try to tell you something is wrong with your head. They will say, “You must be mentally ill to believe this is true.”

You still insist on the truth, so to reinforce their gaslighting techniques they will try to pull in a flying monkey who will accuse you of making stuff up. The flying monkey could be a younger sibling that wasn’t old enough to remember the incident.

All of this is very disheartening because you know the truth and you thought your parents loved you, but there is one even weirder twist for the person raised as a Christian. Your parents were the ones who told you about God and made you memorize that Bible verse about lying lips being an abomination to the Lord, so how could they be twisting the truth? This is where the truth might be stranger than fiction.

We don’t know why people do what they do, but there comes a time when you have to use all your mental resources to remember and remember well. Look through old pictures and write down everything you can remember from your childhood. Visit the places of your childhood. When you have written down your memories, you can interview safe family members like aunts or uncles or grandparents to find out their take on the situation.

This is not living in the past, but remembering the past. It is only by looking at where we’ve been that we can move forward. Those who refuse to examine their past are often stuck in addictions.

You don’t need to put up with mind twists anymore. You are a grown up now and you have been given a sound mind and you can claim the truth. The very people who told you that God doesn’t approve of lying may have forgotten that God is always on the side of the truth, so don’t let people lie to you.