The other day someone said they wished they knew the statistics so they could move to the area with the least amount of narcissists. Obviously she felt like she was a magnet for narcs.
Even though it would be nice to know the area where the least narcissists live, the statistics are probably changing all the time. A better solution might be to recognize narcissists for who he is—which is a desperate person living with a survivor of the fittest mentality.
We all act selfish at times, but we are not all toxic enough to be defined as narcissists. Narcissism is on a scale. If you think of it like a measuring stick, the first few millimeters are about healthy self-care. Healthy people realize it is not selfish to take care of our own needs first. Only by taking care of ourselves first can we have anything to give to others.
As we cross to the other side if the measuring stick we find toxic and malignant narcissism. Toxic parents are parents who do not care for their children—young or grown—but merely use them to push their own needs and agenda onto them.
The term adult child—people who were once children dealing with adult problems came about because these parents failed in some way to provide, protect or nurture their children in some way. While many parents have regrets, the toxic narcissistic parent has no empathy for their child regardless of any pain they caused them.
The book the Empathy Trap explains how narcissists target empathetic people and how some family members enable the narc because they are apathetic to the abuse of others. An empathetic child raised by narcissistic parents can become a target for marrying a narcissist because the parent has used the child’s natural empathy and groomed them to provide them with narcissistic feed. As they grow out of the family home they automatically look for someone to save or fix—and usually such marriages end badly.
To be safe from narcissists, it takes two important steps—the first step to is to recognize a narcissist and the second is to keep good boundaries to keep one from sucking you into a situation that might drain you.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself when you meet someone new—
Do they talk only about what they are interested in?
Are they arrogant and full of self?
Do they have a victim mentality?
Do they feel they can break the law?
Do they refuse to take ownership of their choices?
Are they willing to lie to save their own reputation?
Are they willing to throw someone else under the bus to protect self?
Do they want revenge whenever someone crosses them?
Do they use their children or spouse?
These traits do not guarantee this person is a narcissist, but they are red flags.
The second step is to protect your boundaries. Here are a few tips—
Can you be responsible for your own choices?
Can you can say no?
Can you stop apologizing?
Can you stop trying win love by working for it?
Can you stop giving up who you are for others?
Can you finally value yourself as much as you value others?
Can you do self-care without others reminding you?
Can you stop co-dependently giving away all you time, money and energy?
If you can answer yes to most of these, you can live anywhere because the boundaries are finally set in your head and you are good to go.