If raging doesn’t give a Religious Narcissist what they want, they have more tricks in their bag–
- Playing the victim card
The religious narcissist imagines he is a perpetual victim. If other people don’t see it his way, he assumes they are wrong. He will stop at nothing to make others fit his warped view of the world. Of course for the narcissist, martyrdom is only as good as his audience, so here come the flying monkeys.
- Sending in the flying monkeys
The deacon who was relieved from deacon duty, now took to campaigning for a new pastor. He felt persecuted for doing his religious duty and since the pastor didn’t agree, he began to call up church members threatening to leave the church.
Soon the pastor’s phone was ringing with people who felt sorry for the poor deacon and wanted to know what they could do to help keep him in the church. They didn’t realize they were being manipulated to stress out the pastor. Such people are actually acting as flying monkeys for the narcissist.
The narcissist plays the victim to attract flying monkeys. Flying monkeys are people who really know nothing about the issue at stake. They get emotionally involved because the narcissist spreads gossip about the person who won’t let him have his way.
This technique works well with religious people who feel sorry for the narcissist and believe it’s their God-given responsibility to keep the peace and make everyone happy. What these people don’t realize is they are being manipulated and no matter how hard they try, they won’t be able to make the narcissist happy.
When the narcissist puts you on trial and stirs up innocent people who aren’t sure what to believe, you might become discouraged, but don’t forget truth is on your side. It might be your word against the narc’s and some people might be suspicious of your motives, but Jesus always stands on the side of truth and He stands with you.
If someone wants to believe the narcissist over you, you probably don’t need such a friend anyway. Stick with friends who walk in truth and celebrate the joy of living in freedom. There is nothing you can do to fix this but be yourself. The narcissist can try to destroy your reputation, but he can’t touch your character.
What if a Narcissist Recruits Me?
If you allow the narcissist to talk to you about others, you too could become a narc’s flying monkey. You can avoid this by refusing to triangulate. Set a boundary with the narcissist by showing them Matthew 18 where Jesus tells us to speak to the person we have a problem with before we even give an offering to God. Let the narcissist know you are not willing to spread rumors or carry messages to a third party.
If everyone refused to talk about anyone else, it would stop narcissistic manipulation and many families and churches would be much safer places. The religious narc needs to be shown the door when they abuse others. If we want to act like Jesus, we can refuse to talk about others.
When people stop listening to the narcissist and tell him to speak directly to the person he has a problem with, the narc will start shunning you and everyone who will not listen to him.
This brings us to Religious Narcia 6-The Shunning.