no contact, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissist,

No Contact–Until Further Notice

Talia had enough.
Her abuser wasn’t sorry for the past
and continued to verbally abuse her.
It didn’t matter that he was a relative. 
It didn’t matter that her family expected her to attend family meals 
For her own peace of mind, she had to go “No Contact.”

no contact, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissist,

“No Contact” comes about because the narcissist has been such a jerk to you they don’t deserve to be in in your life anymore. When it comes to going no contact, it seems oxymoronic or just plain moronic to say, “How can you be so cruel as to shut someone out of your life who has lied to you and about you and used you?”

It’s not cruel, it’s the only sane option. No Contact has nothing to do with lack of forgiveness. I find it amusing when Christians are quick to tell victims to forgive and forget. No Contact is NOT about revenge or lack of a forgiving spirit–it’s about protection for those who have been injured. There is no reason to put up with repeated abuse. We can forgive people from a distance, but we can’t let them continue to use and abuse us.

The only relationship worth having is one based on mutual respect. If your narc parent or narc ex cannot accept you as an equal and treat you with respect you have no real choice but to go no contact. This is not a lack of forgiveness on your part, it’s simply the state of the union between you.

A narcissist won’t change and to further engage with them will only bring more damage to yourself. So for those just realizing their own pain and recognizing how their toxic narcissistic relationships have been sabotaging their health, I suggest you go no contact until further notice–a notice that only the Narc can give and a notice that says at least one of the following and preferably all of them–

  • I accept you as you are and will stop trying to mold you into my image.
  • I am sorry for the way my choices have influenced and affected your life.
  • I am sorry for the lies I told to you and about you.
  • I promise to be honest in the future.

Chances are if you are dealing with a true narcissist, none of the above will ever come to pass. You deserve honesty and respect in your relationships. If any person–your parents, boss, ex or relatives cannot respect you, going no contact will be necessary until further notice.


3 thoughts on “No Contact–Until Further Notice”

  1. The most critical line here: a narcissist won’t change. But how lovely to make the rules anyhow, to remind us going forward of how we should be treated by all. Thanks for the post and the reminder.


  2. Yes, you got my idea. It’s a reminder to everyone who has had to go no contact that these things must happened to have a healthy relationship. We can’t fool ourselves into thinking things are okay without the basic foundation of respect and honesty.


  3. Oh yes, I definitely understood, and I was grateful for the reminder to always be on the lookout to make sure that people are treating us well. Respect and honesty . . . All too often I still find myself ignoring these when they are violated in tiny ways because I don’t like to make things unpleasant. I think it can be very difficult for victims of NPDs to learn how to stand up for themselves in assertive and non-confrontational ways. I’m still working on this.

    Liked by 1 person

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