Embrace Your Freedom

Sadie had been in relationship after relationship in which she felt stifled. She just wanted to be loved for herself and stop swimming laps to please the people she was dating.

She decided to make a list of the things she felt were important to her. It was a good list and it included certain things her narc parent never approved of. She knew if these things were going to get on her dating partner’s nerves, then why start a relationship in the first place?

Some of the things on her list–like the type of music she preferred, were reminders of how the narcissist oppressed her in her childhood, but the weird thing was any sort of control could set her off. She felt like she might never find a man who would just allow her to be free.

Free My Child, cherilynclough.com, https://www.redbubble.com/people/littlered7/works/21361138-you-are-free?asc=u&c=317908-affirmations-from-abba

Then one day she met Jared who liked the kind of music she hated and didn’t enjoy her music at all. She almost walked away, but he was so kind and so thoughtful and very into letting her do her own thing.

After being together for two years, Sadie realized it was not as important that someone like all the same things on her list as the fact that he respected her choices. Because Jared allowed her the freedom to be herself–even if something was not his preference, she felt loved. She finally found someone who allowed her the freedom to be herself.

This is the course of true love–where there are no strings attached. Shakespeare said it well:

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
-Sonnet 116

What is on your list? How do you feel when someone tries to control you? How might you try to control others? Can you release others to be themselves? What makes you feel free? Can you do this in your current relationships–including your significant other and family of origin?

It’s Wake Up Wednesday, so let’s wake up, friends! Wake up to allowing yourself to be free regardless of the expectations of others. You were always meant to be free.

Love does not claim possession,
but gives freedom.
-Rabindranath Tagore

8 thoughts on “Embrace Your Freedom”

  1. Great post Cherilyn. My trauma history led me to develop very codependent behaviors so naturally I married an unsafe person. Over time I continued healing and becoming and left him. He wasn’t interested in allowing me to grow because he didn’t want to grow. A decade of passive insults did a little damage but I shook it off. Becoming took time, space away from people and learning skills my family couldn’t teach me. Love the Shakespeare sonnet. Your post also makes me think of the scene in Little Women when marmy tells Jo to go and embrace her liberties.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi E,

    Love that thought from Little Women! What wisdom!

    Glad to hear that you were able to shake off those passive insults. It does require time away from damaging people and time to know ourselves so we can be healthy and not allow someone to do this to us again. Bravo to you! Keep up the good work!

    Much love, peace and freedom to you!


    Liked by 1 person

  3. I learned last night from my aunt that my father was informing the family that I have Borderline personality disorder.
    As my sisters we’re cruelly informing me of the family decision to excile me last October one of them accused me of that disorder. Indicating to me she didn’t know me at all.
    Now I realize even more fully that my father is and always was the director of my sisters announcement to banish me.
    He is an evil calculating man and my sisters are perfect flying monkeys.
    I stood up to their trauma bond and now must stand up to my husbands bond.
    It has taken me 10 years to get to this point with my husband but realize he has been carrying on their tradition and I’ve been letting him.
    I’m taking me back, and protecting my kid, and setting boundaries and keeping them. That’s my plan starting today. I will not spend another day another hour on what I did wrong or why this is? There is no why, my family and my husband will have to fix that issue themselves, I can and will fix myself as I see fit and not criticize myself anymore. I am not stupid, I am worthy, and I may give up lots of tangibles yet my net gain will be the return of my power and belief in myself.
    Go me!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Pam,

    Sorry to hear of your troubles, but glad you are going to takes steps to help heal yourself.

    It is always sad to me to see how siblings who were equally abused or neglected will turn on each other because of the lies of the narcissist. And then when there is a pattern of narcissism, it also follows that some of the siblings will take after the narc parent so that could be an issue too. I am sorry you have had to discover your sisters are false friends.

    When you go through this change to find better friends and support, I hope you can find a good counselor to help you navigate through the wilderness. You are not alone. Thousands of women and even men are going through this too. Wisdom is borne in pain, but well worth it. You deserve to be respected and loved. It is my prayer you can find some good friends to help you through this difficult time.

    Bravo to you for realizing you must be true to yourself! Your son will be better off in the long run too.

    Peace and freedom to you, dear friend!



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