Sadie had been in relationship after relationship in which she felt stifled. She just wanted to be loved for herself and stop swimming laps to please the people she was dating.
She decided to make a list of the things she felt were important to her. It was a good list and it included certain things her narc parent never approved of. She knew if these things were going to get on her dating partner’s nerves, then why start a relationship in the first place?
Some of the things on her list–like the type of music she preferred, were reminders of how the narcissist oppressed her in her childhood, but the weird thing was any sort of control could set her off. She felt like she might never find a man who would just allow her to be free.
Then one day she met Jared who liked the kind of music she hated and didn’t enjoy her music at all. She almost walked away, but he was so kind and so thoughtful and very into letting her do her own thing.
After being together for two years, Sadie realized it was not as important that someone like all the same things on her list as the fact that he respected her choices. Because Jared allowed her the freedom to be herself–even if something was not his preference, she felt loved. She finally found someone who allowed her the freedom to be herself.
This is the course of true love–where there are no strings attached. Shakespeare said it well:
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
What is on your list? How do you feel when someone tries to control you? How might you try to control others? Can you release others to be themselves? What makes you feel free? Can you do this in your current relationships–including your significant other and family of origin?
It’s Wake Up Wednesday, so let’s wake up, friends! Wake up to allowing yourself to be free regardless of the expectations of others. You were always meant to be free.
Love does not claim possession,
but gives freedom.
A friend is someone who gives you
total freedom to be yourself.