Narcissism

You Might Have Been Raised by a Narcissist

If you grew up with a parent
who put their needs above yours,
you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you were in charge of cleaning house for your parents, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve been lying to bill collectors since you were five, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you grew up not knowing your relatives because your parent didn’t like them, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you grew up with flying monkeys and know how to avoid them, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you were neglected by parents who ignored your needs, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you have night terrors about moving again, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve worn out the carpet walking on eggshells, you most definitely have been raised by a narcissist.

If you kept the family secrets from the church, cops and neighbors, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you dreamed of being yourself, but were afraid to anger your parent, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you spent any part of your childhood hiding your body or your soul, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you have PTSD whenever you walk near the belt section in a department store, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you had to get up early to make coffee for your parents, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve been hit because the car wouldn’t start, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you earned money, but your parents spent it, you were probably raised by a narcissist.

If you grew up being told white lies don’t hurt anyone, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve felt guilty or sorry for being born, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve groveled to a parent who never apologizes, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve been fired because you can’t stop apologizing, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you are the black sheep—the one who got away, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you got your self-worth from people pleasing, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you have been called mentally ill for speaking the truth, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you felt smothered by a controlling parent, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If one of your parents treated you like a spouse, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve rolled over like a doormat so they could use you again, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve felt your parent’s pain before your own, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you aren’t sure who you are because you’ve tried to please your parent, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve been scapegoated so many times the family treats you like satan, Oh yeah, you were raised by a narcissist.

If your parent seems to lack a conscience, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you planned your life choices around the belt, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve been called selfish for spending your own money, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you have a high level of empathy for your apathetic parent, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you have a parent who blames you for their mistakes, you might have been raised by a narcissist.

If you still have a parent who lies to you or about you, you were abso-fuckin-lutely raised by a narcissist.

If your parent won’t follow the rules or laws of the land, you were probably raised by a narcissist.

If you’ve ever worried you might be a narcissist, or answered yes to many of these situations, you are probably NOT a narcissist, but the chances are pretty good that you might just have been raised by one.

 

14 thoughts on “You Might Have Been Raised by a Narcissist”

  1. I have to admit I laughed out loud at one point reading these Cherilyn, even though they are absolutely, positively true and soooo not funny! Sometimetimes laughing is the only way to keep from crying! Unfortunately this list fits the bill for me too. Love you girl! ❤️❤️

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Hi Angela,

    Ah yes, I imagine these do hit the list for many people. Just one or two could be a well meaning parent’s mistakes, but if many are hitting the mark, we both know it could be so much more. Sadly.

    Much love and blessings to you!

    Peace and freedom!

    Cherilyn

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I absolutely love reading your blog! So many of the points in this posts are truths for me. But the one that still plagues me is the last one… Glad to know that this is not abnormal for survivors of narcissistic parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Every single one, yes. Cherilyn this is so validating. I especially loved: If you’ve been lying to bill collectors since you were five, you might have been raised by a narcissist.- that was a tough but helpful memory. Look how far we’ve come. The artwork is beautiful as well. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. If only your journal knew who you were and what you hoped for
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If you hid that journal carefully from your family
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If you had to go to the police because your adult brother hit you
    And noone would stop him, and your mother encouraged him to do it
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If afterwards your mother chased you around with a stick yelling
    And saying you had disgraced your family by telling
    And you spent a cold evening hiding in a hay loft without food
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If after being hit you swore, aged twelve, never to cry again
    So as not to give them that satisfaction
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If your childhood drawings and school merit certificates and photos
    Were never hung off the fridge or pinned to a wall in a shared space
    But you were always told to take them back to your room
    And your prize essays went unread
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If it was always your fault
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If you don’t remember warmth or connection
    Only cold and sadness and emptiness and blame
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If your father gave you a blood nose and chased you around the house
    Because he didn’t like the pop star on the poster you put up in your room
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    If everyone said how lucky you were
    You might have been raised by a narcissist
    Even – or especially – if nobody outside the home saw or guessed
    You might have been raised by a narcissist

    (There you go, that hit a nerve!)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Wow Sophie!
    Good work! Gotta name it, to claim it. Thank you for sharing! I think you said several; of these better than I could.

    I wish you lots of healing!

    Peace and freedom,

    Cherilyn

    Like

  7. Haha! I am sprung! Sophie AKA Andrea! LOL. And really my name is Sue, but that’s such a boring name and not what I would have named myself, and I’m not even a lawyer. When I began posting on these sorts of sites, I was so nervous about being IDd in real life, but now I am not, I merely keep using old pseudonyms for the sake of consistency on a site. Come a long way. I remember how I wondered to you if it was fair to use the word “narcissist” when I first responded on your blog. Funny inversion – did the narcissists think it was fair to call me “stupid cow” or “lazy piece of work” or all the many other choice and less repeatable things they tagged me with? There is a difference between an insult and a factual description that adheres fully to the dictionary definition.

    Lots of love to you, Cherilyn! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. No sure whether to laugh or cry, but I identify with many of the “raised by” items. Today is my birthday and I was doing good until my bio-dad, the narcissist emailed me a birthday email. Of course that was just the brief opening line as he went on to mentions his own birthday and the well beings of my former siblings, as well as the future plans of them all. Without me, of course. Oh, and he didnt even spell my daughters name correctly in the brief phase he mentions her. What an idiot. I am contemplating emailing back info to bring to light a family secret and CC’ing them all just to stand up for myself, but do I really want that headache? I dont think so, what do you think?

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Happy Birthday Pam,

    You deserve to be treated better and even trying to explain yourself or set your reputation straight with people committed to misunderstanding you is useless in my experience. We can lead people to knowledge, but we can’t make them think.

    I know you are in pain. All I can say is that you are not alone and the time spent on trying to set the record straight or get revenge or tell secrets is wasted time in my book.

    I wish you to have comfort and know that you are worthy of more than this email. It is hard to know anyone’s heart, but if I care about someone I reach out and try to find out what is going on with them. I think narc parents are really about proving something. Try not to fall into their traps.

    Call a good friend, or cuddle up with your pet or take a bubble bath or listen to whatever music thrills your soul. Remember the best revenge is a good life.

    Hugs and many prayers for your heart to be comforted tonight.

    Much love,

    Cherilyn

    Like

  10. Dearest Cherilyn, there is nothing to forgive. Mixing up two pseudonyms is a) a simple mistake, thank you, and b) hardly unmasking the person behind it, which I did for myself, since thanks to people like yourself and E I’ve come to realise I have nothing to be ashamed of, and if other people have a problem with what happened to me, it says so much more about them than about me. I would call it a “BS filter” – wouldn’t you? 😉

    And in the unlikely scenario my birth family got wind of it, then I should think preventing these awful things in the first place would have been the rightful course of action – not expecting people to cover up for them – and that more important than the potential embarrassment to them at these things being aired, should be the pain I needlessly went through and which I was expected to cope with on my own without a word to anyone since I was so very little, and without any support. In the name of what?

    Dear friends, I have drawn from your own stories and examples, and gained much strength by it. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi Andrea,

    Isn’t it wonderful to be ourselves and not have to hide who we are and let the relatives deal with it? I totally understand this struggle. I started out with a pseudonym on my blog ten years ago and I wrote with fake names, then my mom called me on one of the stories I wrote with those and said I was lying. I wasn’t lying. And the proof was the fact that she recognized the story with all the aliases. Isn’t that hilarious? After that I told my parents, I’m sorry it hurts them when I tell my childhood stories, but I can’t stop being myself and hiding myself to please them. I have also told my family to stop reading my blog because I am not writing for them. I write for myself and those who get what I have gone through. Thank you Andrea for your friendship and encouragement!

    I wish you greater strength to stand up tall like a giraffe–stand tall in your truth! You are worthy of being yourself and sharing your stories. Your stories matter!

    Much love,
    Cherilyn

    Like

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