It’s hard to know what to do.
Even when our mothers hurt us,
many of us still love them,
but sometimes it’s not safe
to hang out with them.
The cutting remarks and putdowns of a narcissistic mother wouldn’t look very pretty on a card and yet, toxic mothers expect their children to make a pretty thing out of something evil—a relationship filled with manipulation and shame. If you send a card out of guilt to a woman who gossips about you and tries to shame you into doing her will, that’s not honoring—that’s obligation.
Giving birth also does not make one a mother. We all know women who nurture and love others who never gave birth. At the same time, it’s not hard to find those who bore children only to use and abuse them.
There needs to be some accountability. A narcissistic mother doesn’t deserve a free pass and access to her child’s life if she can’t treat them with respect. To keep your sanity on holidays, it’s important to remember the difference between a narcissistic mother and a loving mother.
A narcissistic mother criticizes her child, but a loving mother doesn’t sit like a queen in the judgment of her child, she cheers them on in support.
A narcissistic mother demands that her children serve her, but a loving mother will serve her child without obligation.
A narcissistic mother attacks her own children, but a loving mother protects them.
A narcissistic mother puts herself first, but a loving mother will sacrifice her own needs to take care of her child.
A narcissistic mother doesn’t have time for special details because she’s focused on her own needs, but a loving mother uses her creative energy to make life more comfortable for her child.
A narcissistic mother needs to be right all the time, but a loving mother knows it’s okay to be human and admits it when she makes mistakes.
A narcissistic mother rips apart her child’s heart and destroys their relationship, but a loving mother will do everything she can to restore the fractured relationship with her child.
A loving mother, despite her own struggles and imperfections, offers her child unconditional love, which is the reason we choose to honor and remember our true mothers and grandmothers.
Celebrate those who are kind to you and be a loving mother and nurture yourself!