Be a One Woman Riot

When I was a kid, if my siblings and I argued or made too much noise, we were put on silence. Silence meant we were not allowed to speak or make any noise. If we found a way to communicate through spelling letters through sign language or motioning, we might even be put on frozen …

Don’t Let the Narcissist Define You

One of the most damaging things that happens to ACoNs is when the narcissistic parent tries to define them. The narc will try to define you to yourself, friends and other family members. This is part of the gaslighting treatment and we must diligently refuse to allow such lies to influence us. Let fools and flying monkeys …

How to Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse

It's been three years since a friend invited me to join a private group on Facebook. I didn't believe the group was for me so I ignored the first request. After a second offer, I joined to be polite. Within an hour I found the answer to a puzzle that had been plaguing me for …

How to Know When It’s NOT Your Fault

When I was five years old, I was standing outside the swimming pool when my mother asked me to watch my one year old brother while she went inside to get my new born sister who was crying. I watched my brother faithfully. I watched him flip over on his little paddle board. I watched …

Congratulations, It’s a Narc

Think of that moment in a movie or real life when a laboring mother is panting and pushing, while the father is offering her words of encouragement, then finally the moment comes when they hear a cry and the doctor announces those magical words, “Congratulations, it's a boy!" Or "Congratulations, it's a girl!" Everyone cries happy …

The Double Bind on the ACoN Soul

Alisa was the scapegoat while her sister was the golden child. She grew up feeling like she didn’t belong and often wondered if she was adopted. It was hard to grow up feeling like she was on the outside of her family’s inner circle. A few years ago her father asked her to come to …

Go Where You are Celebrated

Kylie’s mother is not the kind that celebrates her daughter’s accomplishments. When Kylie decided to go to graduate school, her mother told her she would get too educated and never find a husband. When Kylie found the love of her life, her mother warned her that he was not the kind of man she had …

The Narcissist’s Mirror

When many people hear the word narcissism, they think of the legend of Narcissus who was so vain he worshiped his image in a pond until he fell in and drowned. I once saw a cartoon of a father staring at his own reflection in a lake while his daughter kept calling out, "Daddy?!" The …

It’s Not You, It’s the Narc

When Allie met Josh, he told her she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. Allie thought he was sweet because he was always giving her compliments on her work, her home and her personality. For the first time in her life she felt appreciated. As an ACoN* growing up with a negligent Narc …

My Least Favorite Things

Here’s a little poem I wrote. Try to imagine Julie Andrews singing it. My Least Favorite Things People who punish as much as they're able, Gossip and whining and pride on the table, Gifts and affection all tied up with strings, These are a few of my least favorite things. Family secrets and abject denial, …