Just Say No to Bullies

The other day I heard from a young mother who told me about a bullying problem at a Christian school. Her child kept coming home hurt from a bully’s rude comments and hitting. She encouraged her child to stand tall in dignity, look the bully in the eye and ask, "Why are you hitting me?" …

Don’t Let the Narc Mess With Your Heart

Think about all the lies, the put downs and the gaslighting. All the times you tried to explain your heart to someone who was committed to misunderstanding it. All the times your empathetic heart was used by the Narcissist, who said it was your own fault. All the times the Narcissist stepped on your heart, …

How to Know When It’s NOT Your Fault

When I was five years old, I was standing outside the swimming pool when my mother asked me to watch my one year old brother while she went inside to get my new born sister who was crying. I watched my brother faithfully. I watched him flip over on his little paddle board. I watched …

Independence Day Again

Do you have an independence day? No, I'm not talking about a national holiday, but the day you were set free because you realized a relationship with someone you loved was not going to work any more? It seems we have many independence days along this journey from narcissism. Sometimes we have to get up and declare our independence just to get out of bed …

Why Spanking is Bad for YOU

This post was inspired by the way a neighbor treated his little girl this week.  Hey Struggling Parent, It doesn't matter what they did or didn’t do, this is about you. For whatever reason, your blood pressure is up, your blood is boiling and you want the release of making your child feel pain so they …

Maybe He Doesn’t Hit You, But It’s Still Abuse

The new domestic violence hashtag trending on twitter this week #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou has been informing the world that emotional abuse is just as painful as physical abuse. No one knows this more than survivors of narcissistic abuse. As a matter of fact, I’ve run into lots of ignorant people who don’t recognize narcissistic abuse because they …

To Spank or Not to Spank?

One of the biggest reasons I struggle with my parents is because they still feel they have the right to tell me what to do–what kind of music to listen to, how to vote, how to spend my money and how to worship God. For the first twenty years of my life, their will was …

Why the Narc Can’t Steal Your Courage

According to her mother, Heidi is the black sheep of the family, but she wasn't always the black sheep. She used to be her narc mother's extension. If her mother wanted the rest of family to do something, Heidi was the flying monkey golden child who passed on her messages when her mother was upset. …

A Game You Can Never Win

Have you ever been asked to play a game you can never win? If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you already know what I’m talking about. For the malignant narcissist, relationships are not about love, affection or mutual interests because the narc views human relationships as if they were a game. A game where …

Re-Framing Our Shame

In Nola's childhood, no one acknowledged what her father did to her. Not her mother who rationalized his abuse. Not her grandmother who looked the other way. Not her teacher who saw some of her bruises. Not even her flying monkey siblings who joined the denial bandwagon despite their own abuse. Because Nola was the only person …