Four Freedoms after Narcissistic Abuse

Mica was a goldfish that lived in a glass bowl. He lived most of his life bumping into a glass divider which kept him from crossing to the other side of the bowl. One day the divider was removed, but Mica swam in the same pattern as before never crossing the bowl. This is because …

Just Say No to Bullies

The other day I heard from a young mother who told me about a bullying problem at a Christian school. Her child kept coming home hurt from a bully’s rude comments and hitting. She encouraged her child to stand tall in dignity, look the bully in the eye and ask, "Why are you hitting me?" …

Imagine There’s No Haters

Most controlling parents seem unaware of how much their expectations and punishments suck the life out of their children long after they leave home. I still occasionally feel guilty whenever I cut my hair, eat certain foods or befriend people I know my parents would disapprove of while I was growing up, but I don't …

Don’t Let the Narcissist Define You

One of the most damaging things that happens to ACoNs is when the narcissistic parent tries to define them. The narc will try to define you to yourself, friends and other family members. This is part of the gaslighting treatment and we must diligently refuse to allow such lies to influence us. Let fools and flying monkeys …

Women Pastors and Corporate Abuse in the Church

I've been in mourning these last few weeks. Not over a person--but over a church. Specifically the church I grew up in. The church that has been a spiritual home at least in name to six generations of my family. Yet even though I say six generations of family, my childhood home was far different …

The Spirit of the Lord is Freedom

This blog is about freedom from narcissism and religious abuse. Today I am going to write about the deep sadness in my heart over the church I grew up in and the growing threat to religious liberty. Ted Wilson, the world president of the Seventh day Adventist church is on a witch hunt. Of course …

You Won’t be Left Behind–Unless You Choose to Be

If I could go back in time, I’d go back forty years and give my thirteen year old self some advice: You won't be left behind--unless you want to be. It was popular to wear red, white and blue in 1976 because it was the bicentennial year and everyone was celebrating the fact that the United …

To Spank or Not to Spank?

One of the biggest reasons I struggle with my parents is because they still feel they have the right to tell me what to do–what kind of music to listen to, how to vote, how to spend my money and how to worship God. For the first twenty years of my life, their will was …

How to Talk to a Flying Monkey

Most of us are familiar with the Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” If only we could reverse these monkeys and send the flying monkeys back with a message to the narc. Can you imagine how much healthier our families would be? I know, it's a fantasy, but we all need a good …

Re-Framing Our Picture of God

Religion has been a turn off for many ACoNs* because abuse thrives in Religious Narcia. In a world full of narcissistic parents, false lovers and self-righteous Christians, God has been grossly misrepresented, but rather than let the narcs destroy our faith, we should re-frame God so we can decide for ourselves. Most ACoNs* crave a …