Welcome to the Narcissistic Circus,
where the Narc behind the curtain
twists the truth like a contortionist
and tries to keep your elephant memory tied up
with gaslighting and all sorts of sleight of hand tricks
and if that doesn’t work,
he’ll send in the flying monkeys.
It’s a circus alright, but no one’s having much fun.
The Narcissistic Circus is actually a cycle of patterned behavior based on the Narcissist’s own delusions:
- A sense of entitlement and refusal to follow the law
- Mind games and gaslighting
- Recruitment of flying monkeys
- Playing the victim
- Seeking revenge
- Ostracizing the scapegoat
These behaviors might happen in stages or at different times, but eventually patterns will emerge. A polish proverb has it right when it says:
“Not my monkeys, not my circus.”
If only avoiding this fiasco were that easy, but most narcissistic parents will do all they can to ruin their child’s reputation when they won’t go along with their plans. Many ACONs will tell you their narc parents have spent hours taking notes about their enemies and researching how to win their case in court and sadly many of them have been sued by their own parents. Having a narcissist for a parent can be a continual abuse–first in childhood, continuing into young adulthood and even in mid-life after discovery of the problem, for some the abuse continues until all they can do is walk away.
Love heals all wounds, but the narcissistic parent doesn’t seem able to love their child. If they did, they might not have abused them in the first place. And at the very least you would think the parent wouldn’t be angry when their adult child remembers the abuse. You might even think they would apologize, rebuild the relationship to show their child unconditional love. Dream on.
All of these things could happen, but don’t hold your breath. By it’s very nature narcissistic behavior focuses on self and can’t bear to be wrong, so if your parent is a true narcissist, this loving behavior will never happen–they will simply go on talking about you until the day they die.
That’s why it is okay to turn down the offer to join the circus and spend your time with your friends and family who treat you with honesty and respect.