The Narcissistic Circus

Welcome to the Narcissistic Circus,
where the Narc behind the curtain
twists the truth like a contortionist
and tries to keep your elephant memory tied up
with gaslighting and all sorts of sleight of hand tricks
and if that doesn’t work,
he’ll send in the flying monkeys.
It’s a circus alright, but no one’s having much fun.

narcissistic circus, narcissism, healing, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, littleredsurvivor.com

The Narcissistic Circus is actually a cycle of patterned behavior based on the Narcissist’s own delusions:

  • A sense of entitlement and refusal to follow the law
  • Manipulation
  • Lies
  • Mind games and gaslighting
  • Recruitment of flying monkeys
  • Playing the victim
  • Seeking revenge
  • Ostracizing the scapegoat

These behaviors might happen in stages or at different times, but eventually patterns will emerge. A polish proverb has it right when it says:

 “Not my monkeys, not my circus.”

If only avoiding this fiasco were that easy, but most narcissistic parents will do all they can to ruin their child’s reputation when they won’t go along with their plans. Many ACONs will tell you their narc parents have spent hours taking notes about their enemies and researching how to win their case in court and sadly many of them have been sued by their own parents. Having a narcissist for a parent can be a continual abuse–first in childhood, continuing into young adulthood and even in mid-life after discovery of the problem, for some the abuse continues until all they can do is walk away.

Love heals all wounds, but the narcissistic parent doesn’t seem able to love their child. If they did, they might not have abused them in the first place. And at the very least you would think the parent wouldn’t be angry when their adult child remembers the abuse. You might even think they would apologize, rebuild the relationship to show their child unconditional love. Dream on.

All of these things could happen, but don’t hold your breath. By it’s very nature narcissistic behavior focuses on self and can’t bear to be wrong, so if your parent is a true narcissist, this loving behavior will never happen–they will simply go on talking about you until the day they die.

That’s why it is okay to turn down the offer to join the circus and spend your time with your friends and family who treat you with honesty and respect.

 

4 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Circus”

  1. This has brought me a whole new level of awareness that I never knew, and a sense of relief that all of his tactics against me actually make sense now. I simply could not comprehend why a person would act so maliciously toward me, and I was constantly checking myself to see what I’d done to cause it. I’m not going to bear the responsibility anymore, because its NOT MY FAULT. Thank you. ❤

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  2. So glad to bring comfort to you friend! It does make so much sense when we discover there are patterns to narcissistic behavior and realize we had no control over the narc’s behavior. It gives a sense of freedom. I wish you lots of peace and freedom!

    Cherilyn

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  3. This is my story through and through. In the past month, the N I know has created such drama and controversy through her lies and distortions that I am persona non grata in the family. It’s been made clear that I will be physically hurt if any of them ever see me again and what did I do to cause this? I respectful stood up to her and called her out on her behaviors. That was all. She spoke to the family, turned on the waterworks and people who have known me their entire lives and know I would never do and say such things now wish me physical harm because of what I’m supposed to have done to her! My own mother is a Lesser Narc and even though she knows what her sister is (Malignant Narcissist) still remains in contact with a flying monkey who is feeding information back to her. It’s sad for me but I have had to make the decision to walk away from them all, my own mother included. I can’t stand any more drama.

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  4. Hi Wendell,
    So sorry to hear you are dealing with so many flying monkeys. Bravo for standing up to speak truth! The others are not awake and like so many sheep to the slaughter it’s hard to know when they will wake up, but I’m glad you’re awake.

    Being awake doesn’t cancel out the pain of lost relationships. I wish there was a cure for that. I’m also saying a prayer for your safety. If someone threatens your life, they are for sure not what you want in your inner circle of friends.

    Sadly, we sometimes need to walk away from toxic parents because the truth is they are void of relationship. I hope you can stay safe and find emotionally safe people to build new friendships and family with. In a way, the narc and flying monkeys have spared you years of pain because narcs don’t change–not because they can’t, but because they don’t want to. They are fundamentally damaged spiritually and cannot perceive how they are hurting others. It’s like a seared conscience.

    This is the beginning of the rest of your life! It might seem a little lonely at first, but trust me, in time you will feel better and maybe even your mom–if she’s not a total narc will wake up. But whether she does or not, will be her choice. Meanwhile you can build a healthier life apart from the drama.

    Peace and freedom to you!

    Cherilyn

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