Jaci told the truth, but the narcissist didn’t like it.
When she said she remembered the event
and didn’t agree with him, the narc said,
“You must be mentally ill.”
Then he called in the flying monkeys
and before long, Jaci began to doubt herself.
The narcissist gaslights you because they don’t want you to remind them or anyone else about what they are lying about. The term gaslighting comes from an old 1944 movie where a husband tries to play with his wife’s mind until she doesn’t believe her own instincts and memory.
Once the narc calls in the flying monkeys, they will accuse you of making up stuff too. A flying monkey could be anyone–a parent or sibling, maybe a church member or neighbor, possibly someone that wasn’t even old enough to remember the incident, there might be no sense in the accusations because all the narc really cares about is confusing you.
When your spouse or parents gaslight you it really hurts because you feel misunderstood by the people you love the most. There is one a weird mind-twist for the person raised as a Christian. Your parents were the ones who told you about God and made you memorize that Bible verse about lying lips being an abomination to the Lord, so how could they be twisting the truth? This is where the truth might be stranger than fiction. Even worse, they might claim to have God on their side. Some narcs will even try to use God as their flying monkey.
There comes a time when you have to use all your mental resources to remember and remember well. Look through old pictures and write down everything you can remember from your childhood. Look at old diaries. Read the school annuals. Visit the places of your childhood. When you have written down your memories, you can interview safe family members like aunts or uncles or grandparents to find out their take on the situation.
Documenting your childhood is not living in the past, it’s remembering your own stories. Sometimes, it’s only by looking at where we’ve been, that we can move forward. Those who refuse to examine their past are often stuck in addictions.
You don’t need to put up with gaslighting and mind-twists anymore. You are the grown up now and you’ve been given a sound mind. Stand tall in your truth and dignity. Don’t let people lie to you.