When Lana’s grandmother asked her to lie to her cousin about something she refused to have anything to do with the lie. Until this happened, she’d always managed to fly under the radar and get along with her grandma. She thought nothing more of it until she discovered her grandmother had blamed her for her own lies.
Lana couldn’t believe it. When she tried to explain the situation to her cousin she wouldn’t even hear her out and wanted nothing to do with Lana. This was the beginning of a new era in her life.
From then on no matter what happened, her grandmother, cousin and aunt blamed Lana for everything. She knew they talked about her because the rest of the family told her what they said. Lana was young and didn’t realize it at the time, but she had crossed a malignant narcissist and now there was all hell to pay because her grandmother was using her as the scapegoat.
The scapegoat is often a person who refuses to go along with the narcissist’s schemes. The term scapegoat comes from the Old Testament where the sins of all the people were laid on the scapegoat and it was sent away and shunned–never to be part of the community again. This is what a malignant narcissist intends to do to anyone who crosses their plans.
A toxic narcissist will spend hours talking about the person they have designated as the scapegoat. They will dream up ways to make them look like a villain in other people’s minds. Once they get other people thinking of you as the scapegoat, they will do everything they can to ruin your reputation and send in the flying monkeys. By naming you the scapegoat, they will try to infer that everything everyone else has done is really your fault–as if you had such power.
There are downsides to being the scapegoat. The Narc will now be shunning you and he may get others to ignore you too, but if you think about it, this is not such a bad development. Toxic narcissists are incapable of having a two way relationship. The only reason a narc needs anyone is to get their own needs filled, so you probably don’t miss being used by them.
The fallout of thinking for yourself not only results in the loss of being used by the narc, but it will affect all mutual relationships. This is because the narc does not believe in keeping the problems between you. They will not rest until they call everyone you both know and try to turn them against you.
Narcs have a way of being very charming and funny and convincing. To those who have no real clue their story might seem plausible and some people will believe them, but those who really know you will read between the lines. Others might turn against you and take up the story the narc is spreading. Those who are deceived are probably acquaintances and weren’t really your friends to begin with. The last group will become flying monkeys who call you up and try to shame you for the narcissist or talk about you to other people because they believe the lies.
The scapegoat may have at one time provided narcissistic feed or been a flying monkey or they might just be wise enough to disengage with the schemes laid out by the Narc.
If you have become the designated scapegoat here is a high five for you! This means you have chosen to no longer be manipulated by the narc for narcissistic feed and you are now thinking for yourself. To be the scapegoat means the truth you know is so frightening to the narc they must spend all their energy defusing it.
If you are a Christ follower, you will remember that Jesus was the scapegoat for the Pharisees. He didn’t play their games, so they lied about him and tried to entrap him and eventually killed him. Jesus changed the game for all of us scapegoats. He took the blame for everything then He destroyed the lies.
Jesus always honors those who tell the truth and because of Him, all scapegoats will be set free by the truth.