The Narcissist’s Mirror

6 Jan

When many people hear the word narcissism, they think of the legend of Narcissus who was so vain he worshiped his image in a pond until he fell in and drowned. I once saw a cartoon of a father staring at his own reflection in a lake while his daughter kept calling out, “Daddy?!” The image suggested she was neglected while he adored himself. This cartoonist understood the neglect that comes from a narcissistic parent, but he only got it half right–because for many narcissistic parents, their child is the mirror.

Like many ACONs*, you may have been used like a mirror for your narcissistic parent. Such parents are not satisfied unless they can see their own values and choices displayed in their child. Narcissistic parents see their children as an extension of themselves, they use mind control to shape their children at a young age to become mini versions of themselves. If this is true, you may have been robbed of your ability to shine.

This mirroring pattern continues into adulthood and is manifested by parents quizzing their adult children on their religious beliefs, politics and spending habits. Appearances are everything to these narcissistic minds. They want all of their children to be in the church and vote as they would vote and eat what they would eat on holiday dinners. They want us to do as they would do so they can feel satisfied they have raised us to reflect them in the way they want to be portrayed in the world.

By refusing to acknowledge their child’s individuality, such parents are selfish to begin with and nothing you can do will fix this. As you pull away to become yourself, they will become more controlling, then disillusioned and bitter when you fail to live up to their expectations. As you begin to vote differently or leave the church or form your own holiday traditions, the war will intensify.

Listen to Your Heart , CherilynClough.com. www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Print Available Here

The battles are subtle at first, a glance of disappointment, the suggestion you might be letting down the whole family because you have chosen differently. But as most ACONs know, the failure to reflect our parents–to vote, marry and worship as they would have us live our lives eventually brings on a cascade of narcissistic behavior from gaslighting and scapegoating to the silent treatment.

There is no better time to reclaim your individuality than now. There is no better way to reclaim your boundaries by listening to your heart and standing up to let your voice be heard, but beware the narc parent will accuse you of everything from ruining the party to being ungrateful or disloyal or not honoring your parents. They might use everything from scripture and flying monkeys to lawyers to straighten you out.

When this happens it’s important to ground yourself these truths–

1. No one–not even a parent owns the choices of another human being. Slavery is defined as controlling another person’s choices.

2. God created you to be yourself–not an extension of your parents. Look in the mirror and recognize your own face.

3. You will never feel at peace until you step into your own individuality and live authentically.

As you listen to your own voice and the voice of your Maker, you will begin to shine. It might seem a little scary at first, but you can forge a new path from your family of origin. When you reach that fork in the road where the sign reads narc parent vs. your own choices, don’t be afraid to take the road less traveled, step into your individuality and shine.

*ACoN – Adult Children of Narcissists

PS I’m sharing this reblog from a popular post–while I work on my book. Thank you for your understanding and support!

Got Respect?

22 Dec

Tessa was an accomplished chef and wonderful hostess, but her sisters in law and mother in law did not appreciate her talents. They simply thought her husband should have married someone else. No matter how beautifully she set the table or how delicious the food, the conversation with her in-laws was always strained.

No one complimented Tessa unless it was backhanded. At the end of family gatherings she could barely fight back the tears and as soon as the door was shut, she cried. Her husband’s family treated her like she was worthless for over ten years, then one day she went out to coffee with a friend who asked her if she felt worthy of respect.

Tessa wanted to be worthy, but she found it hard to say the word. It seemed easier to believe she was unworthy, than admit she actually deserved respect. She made a list of reasons why she should be respected by her in-laws before the next family dinner.

They barely began to eat before her sister-in-law made a snarky remark about her roast. Tessa took a deep breath and asked her how she would feel if a guest did the same thing at her house. Her sister in law was stunned. She had no more to say until they were clearing the dishes, then she asked if she would like some help in the kitchen. Tessa said yes, but her hands were shaking so bad the china rattled.

 

In the kitchen, instead of a tongue lashing, her sister in law apologized for her rude behavior. She realized she’d been following the cues of her mother for years without thinking for herself.

If you are dealing with a malignant narcissist such a friendly resolution might not happen, but taking a stand for your own dignity is always worth it regardless of how others might respond.

Disrespect can be blamed for most dysfunctional family conflicts. It shows up at the family party by excluding someone, arriving very late or making demands on the hostess. Disrespect gossips, triangulates and ridicules whoever is not in the room because it likes to pick on people who aren’t present to defend themselves.

Disrespect is a toxic family legacy. Like a dark cloud hanging over the room it poisons every person it touches. Without respect for ourselves and each other, we’ve got nothing to build a healthy relationship on.

At the heart of disrespect for each other, often lies a lack of self-respect. People tear down others to make themselves look better. Those who lack self-worth, allow others to abuse them because they don’t respect themselves enough to stand up for themselves. If every person could realize their own worth and recognize the value of others, respect might go a long way toward healing many dysfunctional families.

While a deficit of disrespect has sickened our families, respect is the vitamin to restore them back to health. Regardless of the past, regardless of the pain, if the members of a family can learn to treat each other with mutual respect, they will lay a foundation and build a bridge for better relationships in the future.

When Your Family Doesn’t Respect You, the best thing you can do is face your family and stand up for yourself. Respect is the foundation for every relationship and even if others treat you with disrespect, you can always respect yourself. The best way to do this is to face your family and let them know you respect yourself even if they don’t.

Mantra:
I am worthy of love and respect

Permission Slip:
You have permission to call people out when they treat you with disrespect. You always have the right to stand up for yourself even if it means conflict. This probably won’t change the narcissistic family members, but those capable of understanding will respect you more because you have shown respect for yourself and them.

Prayer: Thank you for the respect and freedom to make my own choices. Empower me to respect myself and give other people respect and dignity regardless of their behavior.

What Others Are Saying:

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

You may be no better than anyone else,
but no one is better than you.
-Irish Proverb

Respect yourself
and others will respect you.
-Confucius

They cannot take away our self-respect
if we do not give it to them.
-Mahatma Gandhi

When you realize how much you are worth,
you’ll stop giving people discounts.
-Unknown

 

‘Twas the Night Before Freedom

19 Dec

‘Twas the night before Freedom, when all through the house,
Siblings were arriving each bringing their spouse.

Memos had been sent to the family with care
In hopes Flying Monkeys would become more aware.

The Golden child was gleeful, while others felt dread
‘Cause visions of inheritance spun in her head.

The Scapegoat with coffee, sat down with her cat
To review all her boundaries in case of a spat.

When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
The family jumped up to see what was the matter.

Out in the kitchen, they saw a blue flash,
Then out went the power with one giant crash.

The headlights shone bright against the new fallen snow,
And lit up each sibling with an unnatural glow.

When, what to their worrying eyes should appear
But the form of the parent who had raised them in fear.

From the belt in his hand, to the disgruntled bark
They knew in an instant it must be the Narc.

More rapid than gunshots the judgments they came,
While his children once broken, were each called a name:

Now! Lazy, now! Stupid! Now Sloppy and Slacker!
Who’s gonna go get my wine, cheese and crackers?

The host stood embarrassed and hung his shamed head
The scapegoat seethed anger for all the Narc said

With years of resentment she let out a sigh
Family fighting and politics made her want to go cry.

Disgraced, her siblings said nary a word,
But the scapegoat decided to let her voice be heard.

She started off softly, but it grew to a shout
As she opened her throat and said, “Get the fuck out!”

The Narc turned to martyr and drove off in spite
While the family sat stunned as on came the light.

She yelled one more thing as the Narc made his flight
“Happy freedom to all–it’s our God-given right!”

-Cherilyn Clough

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

It’s Not You, It’s the Narc

16 Dec

When Allie met Josh, he told her she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. Allie thought he was sweet because he was always giving her compliments on her work, her home and her personality. For the first time in her life she felt appreciated. As an ACoN* growing up with a negligent Narc father who barely noticed her, she thought she’d finally met the man of her dreams.

Fast forward a year and Allie was hurt when Josh suggested she lose some weight and get a new haircut to look younger. Allie was also beginning to notice how rude Josh could act to other people. Sometimes she was shocked to hear him lie to his mother which made her wonder if he lied to her too.

A few months later when Allie discovered he was cheating on her, Josh blamed it on her inability to keep him happy. Allie thought of all things she did to please him. She remembered how Josh had said she was perfect in the beginning and now she tried to figure out where she’d gone wrong.

Allie called up her friends asking them what was wrong with her that Josh would treat her this way. Friend after friend said it was not Allie’s fault, but it was Josh who was the obnoxious one. Allie hadn’t seen it before and she struggled to comprehend how a man who once had so many nice things to say about her, could turn and trash her now.

Allie had believed these compliments represented Josh’s true feelings, but nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing in their relationship had ever been about Allie. Josh’s compliments had merely been a way to win her affection so he could use her for narcissistic feed. Josh borrowed her money, expected her to cook and clean for him and wanted her to support his career, but he didn’t care about Allie’s needs at all. If she failed in any way to meet his expectations, Josh accused her of being selfish and trashed her accomplishments.

Josh’s goal was to manipulate Allie into trying harder to please him, while Allie’s goal was to restore what she thought was lost. But the truth was Allie was chasing something she’d never had in the first place. It was a painful lesson to learn, but Josh (like all Narcs) was a fake now and had been a fake all along.

When Josh left Allie, he blamed their break up on her. He called her a lazy nag because she didn’t like his cheating and didn’t meet his needs. He said if she really wanted it to work it out, she could’ve tried harder. After he left, Allie got sick and depressed. She missed work and isolated from her real friends because she felt used and thrown away by one person. Allie was just as beautiful and smart as she had been before, but her self-image had been twisted by a Narc.

One day a friend gave her the number of a good therapist and Allie decided to give counseling a try. Through counseling, Allie finally understood why her entire relationship with Josh had been a fraud. Nothing Josh said or did had never been about her–it had always been about Josh and his needs. Her lack of love from a negligent Narc father had allowed her to let a malignant Narc into her head and destroy her self-love.

Allie has learned to never allow a Narc to twist her mind and steal her joy with their petty insults. Josh never really knew her–Narcs don’t take time to care for others. She has decided she is worth having relationships with real people who are willing to invest in honest and loving ways.

After a few months Allie grew stronger and she was good to date again, but this time she had the boundaries in her head. Never again will she allow anyone else to approve or disapprove of her. Allie finally internalized the truth that whatever other people say and do is always about them—not her. If she allows herself to be flattered by the compliments of other people, she also sets herself up to be devastated by their insults.

This is an essential truth for all of us—whether it’s a parent, spouse or co-worker—whatever people say and do is never about you–it’s always about them. And it’s all the more relevant when dealing with a Narc.

*ACoNs —Adult Children of Narcissists

Why Gray Rock Beats Paper

11 Dec

Dale’s mom is a Narc. She doesn’t care how other people feel when she hurts them. This last Thanksgiving there was a big blow up at the family dinner and she said all sorts of terrible things to Dale and his wife. When he got home, Dale decided to sit down and write his mom a letter. Even though he poured out his heart, he’s gotten no response–not by phone or letter or email. That’s because his mother refuses to acknowledge she even got his letter. If someone crosses her, she says, “I don’t get mad, I get even.”

Meanwhile, she is turning Dale into the family scapegoat by calling up his siblings to complain and turn them into flying monkeys. Two of them have called Dale to lecture him. Most of Dale’s family is caught up in the drama with the exception of his sister Lucy.

 

Lucy hates family dinners, but she wants to stay in relationship with her nieces and nephews and other siblings. The difference between Lucy and Dale is that Lucy knows her mother is a malignant narcissist so she refuses to give her any power. While Dale is writing his heart out to someone who doesn’t care enough to respond, Lucy will go Gray Rock, because she knows Gray Rock always beats paper when you’re dealing with a Narc.

So what is Gray Rock and how do you know when to do it?
For starters, let’s realize what Gray Rock is NOT:

* Gray Rock is not a personality type—but it is used with a specific personality type.
* Gray Rock is not a lifestyle—it is a survival strategy for a day or weekend.
* Gray Rock is not a form of manipulation—it is a way to avoid being manipulated.
* Gray Rock is not a way to treat anyone who gives a damn—
it’s only used when a proven Narc has shown no respect for you and others.
* Gray Rock is not a form of No Contact–It’s a way to cope
when you can’t go No Contact and still need to be around the Narc.

To Clarify:

Lucy never goes Gray Rock with her husband because he is NOT a Narc and he is willing to listen to her point of view when they have an argument.

Lucy never goes Gray Rock with her children or nieces and nephews because while kids might act narcissistic, they are still kids and they deserve the chance to learn and grow.

Lucy never goes Gray Rock when someone says something she doesn’t like—that would be lame and immature like a Narc.

Lucy never goes Gray Rock with people at church or work who offend her because much of the time people don’t realize what they say that hurts us.

Lucy is a very caring person who shares her heart with trusted friends and people worthy of her friendship, but she learned a long time ago that her mother (who is a malignant Narc) is not someone she can trust. Lucy realized she had two options–to go No Contact or go Gray Rock, for her Gray Rock has been the better choice.

It’s been three weeks and Dale still hasn’t received an answer—his mother has ignored his letter and that makes Dale all the more frustrated because he poured his heart out. If Dale fully understood narcissism, he would never have written that letter because most Narcs don’t care about other people’s feelings. The only scenario in which a Narc might write a letter back would be to correct a letter written to them. It needs to be underscored that Narcs do not care about relationships as much as they want to be right.

If Dale wants to go Gray Rock, it’s a very simple procedure–all he needs to do is pretend he is a gray rock. It’s simple to explain but hard to pull off.

Gray Rocks blend in.
Gray Rocks don’t ask for attention.
Gray Rocks don’t move.
Gray Rocks don’t speak up to defend themselves or others.
Why? Because all logic is lost on the Narc.
Gray Rocks know you can’t reason with unreasonable people.

If a Narc asks how a Gray Rock is doing, it’s usually a trap for information. The Gray Rock knows this and responds with as little information as possible. You can’t share your accomplishments or the Narc will be jealous. You can’t share your pain or the Narc will exploit it next time he wants to cut you. The only appropriate information to share with the Narc is the weather. And if for some reason the weather is adversely affecting your life at the moment–for instance if you are snowed in, then even the weather is off limits.

It’s like winning the ultimate Rock, Paper, Scissors game because Scissors can’t cut rock. So all the cutting remarks made by the Narc might destroy your paper letter or your heart–but scissors can’t harm a rock because a rock has no feelings. Now of course you do have feelings and there are places to share these feelings, but just not around the Narc. Narcissistic thinking is selfish thinking and if someone is high on the Narc scale they will never show empathy to you. Your honest human feelings can only be used against you if you share them with the Narc.

The more narcissistic a person is, the less they will care about how you feel. If they are truly a malignant Narc, they will try to control you and manipulate your feelings. The only option is to stop letting the Narc know how you feel. This is why Gray Rock beats paper every time.

My Least Favorite Things

8 Dec

Here’s a little poem I wrote.
Try to imagine Julie Andrews singing it.

My Least Favorite Things

People who punish as much as they’re able,
Gossip and whining and pride on the table,
Gifts and affection all tied up with strings,
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Family secrets and abject denial,
Threatening and judging and people on trial
Sneers and snide comments and yelling that stings
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Unwise expectations that I should not tell,
Those who have created their own private hell,
Ostracization and hatred that clings,
These are a few of my least favorite things.

When I’m missing family dinners–
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my least favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.

-Cherilyn Clough

You Decide How the Story Ends

1 Dec

Once upon a time a girl grew up with narcissistic parents who didn’t meet her needs because they were too busy trying to fill their own. She survived hard times, but she had no clue what she was missing or how other people lived. Through the struggles of a messy childhood and lonely adulthood, she journeyed until one day she saw some light. She moved toward it until she found herself outside of the cave she had been raised in. For the first time in her life she saw what she had been missing and she was both elated at the discovery and saddened by the life she had been living. Thus she began to search for happiness.

Despite her relief at finding light, the world outside the cave was almost too bright, for one thing it seemed unpredictable and scary at times. In such moments, she found herself longing to go back into the darkness where life seemed safe and predictable. Yet she knew such safety also stole her freedom for she was basically used as a slave by her family. Now that her eyes had become accustomed to the light, she could’t see very well in the cave.

Other times she wished she’d been born a princess and had never known the darkness of the cave because those memories seemed to follow her everywhere and often darkened her path and gave her anxiety. Even the smell of leather brought on a panic attack because it reminded her of the many times she had been beaten with a strap to appease someone else’s anger. When the darkness followed her, she often heard the contempt of her abusers and accusers she often wondered if she could ever find a good life.

On her journey she came around the bend and met an elderly woman who pulled back her shawl and offered her a leather book. The girl plugged her nose at the smell of the leather. The old sage was bent over and her hands were gnarled. For a second, she held her crooked finger to her lips before speaking,“Here is a gift. It holds the secret to a happy life.”

The young girl was curious why the old woman would offer it to her, but she accepted the book out of kindness. The woman continued in the opposite direction, while the young girl opened the book in her impatience only to discover it full of blank pages. She turned and called out to the woman. “You have tricked me! There’s nothing in this book!”

The old woman took her time to turn around, then with a face full of kindness she replied, “Write in the book and you will discover the key to happiness.”

The girl rolled her eyes and continued her journey. When night came, she lay under the stars and wondered at the mysterious meeting. In the early morning light, she woke up and began to write about her journey the day before. She marveled at where she had been and how much she had seen. From then on writing became a habit and she even began to enjoy the scent of leather.

One day she felt lonely and discouraged and it seemed she had nothing good to write about. That was the day she began to write down her dreams. Each night when she felt her day had not gone as she had hoped, she dreamed a new dream for the next day and recorded it in the morning.

Like a winding river—ever changing and always moving, her journey continued for many miles and years. The young girl refused all suitors–until she found the prince of her dreams. Her family began to grow and she built a life worth living until one day she looked back through her book and realized her dreams had merged into real life. The things she wrote about were no longer a fantasy, but they had become real. By the time she realized the value of the gift the old woman had given her, she was no longer a young girl, but was becoming wise in years herself.

One day she met a beautiful girl full of energy, yet longing for stability. She recognized the pain and confusion that she had worn on her own face so many years before. She reached into her bag and offered a book much like the one given to her so long ago. As she held it out, she was surprised to notice her own hands had begun to grow wrinkled. The young girl almost snubbed the gift, then took it out of politeness. The woman sighed and smiled, because now she now knew the key to happiness is that we each decide how the story ends.

Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
-Mary Oliver

Little Red’s Esty Sale

29 Nov
Original Art, cherilynclough.com, www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Art Available Here

Hi Friends,

To kick off the holiday season, Little Red Survivor Art is having an ORIGINAL ART sale through midnight on cyber Monday. That means all hand made, unique and one of a kind ORIGINAL Art is marked down to 50% off.

This is also a good time to note most of this art can be placed on PRINTS, PILLOWS, TOTES, PHONE CASES, CARDS AND TRAVEL MUGS for those who wish to make a statement or encourage others.

All make great gifts for yourself or fellow ACoNS. To sweeten the deal, you can save 10% off of any order of $75 or more with the coupon code: FLYING MONKEY

For those who have not been to Little Red’s Etsy Shop, here are a few pics to show you what’s available.
If you see something you like at any time, all photos link to to the shop.

 

Little Red Survivor Art, cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Our signature symbol is Little Red Riding Hood
so you will find a variety of Little Red Art in the shop.
If at any time you don’t see an item in the style you like,
please message me and I will be glad to assist you.

 

Little-Red-Collage,cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

 

The Survivor Girls represent the struggles of holding boundaries
and seeking to emerge as our true selves.

 

Survivor-Girls-Collage, cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Sometimes we find our healing
by honoring the primitive child we once were
and remembering how to play and trust all over again.

 

Primitive-child,cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

PILLOWS are one of our most popular items.
They are sold by the cover or with an insert.
This is a great way to make a statement in your home.

MSWs and Counselors often buy both PRINTS and PILLOWS.
Pillows offer an object to hug
while offering hurting people an encouraging message.

Pillows-Collage,cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt
There are pieces for nature lovers…

Nature Collage,cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

And a few for bird lovers

Bird-Collage, cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

And series of Healing Flowers for those who are opening in the light.

Healing-Flowers-Collage,cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

 

And of course my favorite muse and favorite saying for writers.

Writer's-collage,cherilynclough.com, https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

So whether you shop at Little Red Survivor on Etsy,
or just had fun looking at this art,
I hope you make yourself some sugar cookies
and enjoy a hot drink
and count your blessings,
because like the old Grinch said,

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought,
“Doesn’t come from a store,
maybe Christmas perhaps… is a little bit more.”

Peace-Candle, cherilynclough.com, www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Let’s all wish for peace on Earth!

Cherilyn

 

‘Tis the Season to Cookie Bomb

28 Nov

Here’s my cookie blog from last year. Enjoy!

Hi ACoNs*, Are you having trouble finding the joy this season due to lack of love in your narcissistic family? Make some new traditions with people who respond in love. Try doing some random acts of kindness and cookie bombing. Call it karma, intrinsic law or the circle of life, but life was designed for us to give in order to live.

Giving is a natural law like gravity is a natural law. Such laws are not arbitrary or forced, but in reality just the way the universe works. Trees give us oxygen and we give carbon dioxide back to the trees. Rain becomes snow and melts into rivers and flows to the ocean where it completes the cycle and returns to the clouds. Autumn leaves give life to the soil and contribute to life in the spring. Electricity and even the blood in our bodies runs in a circuit.

We were all created to give. That’s why the life of a Narc grows so stagnant because they think in terms of taking without giving back. The natural illustration of the Narc’s pattern is the DEAD sea. Narcissism disrupts the life-giving cycle because for those who desire narcissistic feed, giving only goes one way.

Upclose-cookies
There are many ways to give—encouragement, love, support, acceptance, unconditional love—all of these are free. It’s easy to get discouraged about giving when the people you love (and who you thought loved you) have been taking from you without giving, but don’t give in to the Narc’s patterns–give whatever you can and live–just don’t contribute to the dysfunctional cycle by providing narcissistic feed.

There will always be some people who misunderstand the debilitating nature of serving a narcissist and they will tell you Jesus says to love our enemies. Yes, love for our enemies can be manifested in different ways and in the case of the Narc it is best to let him go. Even God lets people go. When the crowd wanted to crown Jesus king because He gave them food, He disappeared from their sight instead of feeding them everyday. Giving too much creates dysfunctional relationships.

When we give to those who are not expecting it, we experience joy. This is what Christmas is about–giving freely in love for those who will appreciate it. So your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to go out cookie bombing.

Cookie-Bombs

What You Need:

    • A few extra dollars for drive through
    • The ingredients and ability to make cookies
    • Curly ribbon and party bags
    • Your favorite Christmas tunes
    • Follow the recipe below to make some bright and fun cookies.
    • Let the cookies dry thoroughly. It might be best to make them the day before bombing.
    • Fill party bags with cookies, tie with curly ribbon and crank up the tunes and head out to cookie bomb.
    • Start at your favorite drive through and give away a couple bags of cookies to the cashier while paying for the drinks for the people in the car behind you.
    • Enjoy your drink and head out to your friends’ houses to cookie bomb. Make sure you bomb as many people as you meet along the way–especially strangers! Whether they are a homeless, young or old, rich or poor, working or playing–just give them a bag of cookies and let the joy begin.

SUGAR COOKIE RECIPE

2 sticks butter or margarine

2 C sugar

2 eggs

2 t vanilla

4 C flour (sifted)

1 t baking powder

1/2 salt

2 t pumpkin spice (optional)

PREHEAT: oven to 350

BEAT: butter and sugar in mixer until creamy

ADD: egg and vanilla and beat until smooth

STIR: flour, baking powder and salt in separate container

ADD: flour mixture gradually to butter/sugar mixture

ROLL: dough into a ball and wrap with wax paper

Cookie-Roll

CHILL: dough in fridge for one hour or overnight

 

Cutting-Cookies

ROLL: out dough and form into cookies

Baking-cookies

BAKE: for 10-12 minutes or until very slightly brown—Do NOT over bake—some smaller cookies may only take nine minutes

Cooling-Cookies

ROYAL ICING

1 lb confectioner’s sugar

5 T meringue powder

Scant 1/2 C water

Wilton food coloring pastes of choice

BEAT: all icing ingredients with paddle in electric mixer until mixed—don’t over mix or it will cause bubbles in icing

SPREAD: immediately on cooled cookies with icing spreader or store in airtight container

Icing-and-Cookies
You can get squeeze bottles for the icing at a craft store to flood the cookies. Just  make sure the first layer dries before adding the second.

 

Flooding-Cookies

 Give, and it will be given to you.
A good measure, pressed down,
shaken together and running over,
will be poured into your lap.
For with the measure you use,
it will be measured to you.
-Jesus (Luke 6:38)

Cookie-Plate
*ACoNs-Adult Children of Narcissists

Enjoy this Christmas song by one of my favorite groups Pentatonix :

If You Give a Narc an Apology

27 Nov

If you give a Narc an apology,
he’ll want some groveling to go with it. 

He’ll say you owe him and
ask you to pick up the pieces
for all the messes he’s made.

When you refuse to pick up his messes,
he will accuse you of things you’ve never done.

You’ll try to set the record straight,
but when you speak the truth,
you’ll be gaslighted.

When he discovers he can’t convince you,
he’ll triangulate with another.
And another.
And another.

When everyone’s heard his sorry lies,
he will accuse you of lying
when you actually told the truth.

But don’t shut up,
it’s okay to let your voice to be heard.

If you give a Narc an apology,
you might as well give him a license
to blame you for everything that’s ever happened.

Then he’ll say “forgive and forget,”
and ask to borrow some money.

You’ll go to the bank to get the money,
but you will get a sick feeling in your gut
and decide to say no.

Trust Your Gut, cherilynclough.com,www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Prints and Accessories Available Here

When you refuse to pay the Narc off,
he’ll call you selfish.
You’ll explain that self-care is not selfish.

He’ll get angry and ask when you are going
to get your act together to meet
his (insert religious or political) standards.

You’ll  tell the Narc you won’t set fire to yourself
just to keep him warm.

He will play the victim
and send in his flying monkeys to persuade you.

You’ll stay calm and ignore the flying monkeys.
The Narc will then run a campaign
to get you shunned.

You might lose a lot of friends
and relatives who have no clue
what it’s like to deal with the Narc.

But here is where change happens—
the point between being victim and survivor.

You’ll rise up out of the ashes
and start a new life.

You’ve realize the Narc is
not interested in a relationship–
he’s just interested in using you.

You will leave his circus
and go no contact.

You can forgive yourself for apologizing
when you didn’t need to.

You can take some time to breathe in gratitude
and realize you are free.

You can follow your heart
and make art with the pieces.

You can write the truth
even when your voice shakes.

You can arise and shine
and let your voice be heard.

You can listen to your heart
and find new family and friends.

And should you ever again be tempted
to apologize to a Narc,
just trust your gut and refuse to give in.

Because chances are–
If you give a Narc an apology,
he will always ask you to play a game
you can never win.

Listen to Your Heart, cherilynclough.com, www.etsy.com/shop/LittleRedSurvivorArt

Hey Friends,
The once a year sale
for 50% off my ORIGINAL ART
it ends Monday night!


My Etsy shop also has a variety
of gift ideas for fellow ACoNs

and great reminders for yourself.

If you want to make a statement
to coworkers or family

or just celebrate a new found peace in your life,
check out Little Red Survivor Art on Etsy.
Have a great weekend!

Cherilyn

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