Hazel was taught as a little child that Jesus wanted her to give everything she had to others–often to a sibling or a parent. And if she didn’t so as her parents told her to do, she was often called selfish. She felt ashamed to be selfish, so she gave and gave until she was broke.
Decades later, she began to wonder why she was the only one in the family who ever gave anything to anyone else. Had Jesus singled her out or did Jesus have anything to do with it? She decided it was time to reassess the voice of Jesus and discovered she was being used.
Narcissistic feed is the currency of the narcissist. Every narc is different. For some, it is protecting the family’s reputation. For others it is money or material supply. Others feed off of ego strokes. No two people are the same, but a common trait of many narcissists is using others without giving back.
The ego driven narcissist wants to be fed with praise and compliments.
The religious narcissist wants you to agree with them and they like to show you what to think.
The opportunist narcissist sees everything you have and wants it for himself.
Narcissistic feed is the relationship between a person with toxic narcissistic tendencies and the person they wish to use. They might act friendly when they think you have money, but have nothing to say when you do not feed them. The narcissist sees your resources as theirs.
We’ve all been given resources. God’s friends have a responsibility for what we do with our time, money and energy. The narcissist does not see your resources as God’s, they see your resources as potential supply for themselves. This is because they have never grown up. They want to be fed like a baby without working for it. Their dream is to sit back and rely on you for money, work, compliments or manipulation of other people. They see you as a drone and a pawn. When you realize this, the truth will set you free.
The bottom line about giving feed to the narcissist is they are never satisfied until you give them what they want. Jesus’s parable of the talents shows how each of us is responsible for our own resources. God gave us gifts to use for His glory–not to give away to someone else.
Part of the fallacy surrounding narcissistic feed for the Christian is the way so-called Christians with narcissistic tendencies guilt us into giving all our resources to them. They say things like “Jesus gave all and so should we.” This “we” is like a royal we because the narcissist sees you as an extension of their self. What they are forgetting is Jesus taught personal responsibility through his parables. Each of us is responsible to God alone and to give away our resources to anyone other than God is idolatry.
Yes, we can give to the hungry and homeless, but only after we have taken care of our own responsibilities first. If we don’t repay our debts or take care of our own responsibilities, how can we honor God?