Martyrdom and Flying Monkeys

If raging doesn’t give a Religious Narcissist what they want, they have more tricks in their bag–

  1. Playing the victim card

The religious narcissist imagines he is a perpetual victim. If other people don’t see it his way, he assumes they are wrong. He will stop at nothing to make others fit his warped view of the world. Of course for the narcissist, martyrdom is only as good as his audience, so here come the flying monkeys.

  1. Sending in the flying monkeys

The deacon who was relieved from deacon duty, now took to campaigning for a new pastor. He felt persecuted for doing his religious duty and since the pastor didn’t agree, he began to call up church members threatening to leave the church.

Religious Narcia,
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Soon the pastor’s phone was ringing with people who felt sorry for the poor deacon and wanted to know what they could do to help keep him in the church. They didn’t realize they were being manipulated to stress out the pastor. Such people are actually acting as flying monkeys for the narcissist.

The narcissist plays the victim to attract flying monkeys. Flying monkeys are people who really know nothing about the issue at stake. They get emotionally involved because the narcissist spreads gossip about the person who won’t let him have his way.

This technique works well with religious people who feel sorry for the narcissist and believe it’s their God-given responsibility to keep the peace and make everyone happy. What these people don’t realize is they are being manipulated and no matter how hard they try, they won’t be able to make the narcissist happy.

When the narcissist puts you on trial and stirs up innocent people who aren’t sure what to believe, you might become discouraged, but don’t forget truth is on your side. It might be your word against the narc’s and some people might be suspicious of your motives, but Jesus always stands on the side of truth and He stands with you.

If someone wants to believe the narcissist over you, you probably don’t need such a friend anyway. Stick with friends who walk in truth and celebrate the joy of living in freedom. There is nothing you can do to fix this but be yourself. The narcissist can try to destroy your reputation, but he can’t touch your character.

What if a Narcissist Recruits Me?

If you allow the narcissist to talk to you about others, you too could become a narc’s flying monkey. You can avoid this by refusing to triangulate. Set a boundary with the narcissist by showing them Matthew 18 where Jesus tells us to speak to the person we have a problem with before we even give an offering to God. Let the narcissist know you are not willing to spread rumors or carry messages to a third party.

If everyone refused to talk about anyone else, it would stop narcissistic manipulation and many families and churches would be much safer places. The religious narc needs to be shown the door when they abuse others. If we want to act like Jesus, we can refuse to talk about others.

When people stop listening to the narcissist and tell him to speak directly to the person he has a problem with, the narc will start shunning you and everyone who will not listen to him.

This brings us to Religious Narcia 6-The Shunning.

Relationship Cycles in Religious Narcia

Religious Narcia 1 – The Second Coming of the Pharisees

Religious Narcia 2 – The Need for Feed

Religious Narcia 3 – Spiritual Mind Games

Religious Narcia 4 – Self-Righteous Indignation

Religious Narcia 6 – The Shunning

Religious Narcia 7 – The Release

2 Replies to “Martyrdom and Flying Monkeys”

  1. Say, I’m enjoying your articles, especially the religious perspective you lend voice to. (I’m learning new concepts here).

    Do me a favour, I’m an “activist” (I don’t like that word, but what the heck) and former Jehovah’s Witness; I don’t expect that you know too much about them, however, please take a look at one article I wrote about them on my blog and share your input with me please (man, I should have done psychology — I still might).

    The theme I deal with is “undue influence” (by said religion); the comments you make in your article here about the disgruntled/narcissistic deacon who spreads lies and precipitates, what, “flying monkeys” (you gotta explain that), has given me food for thought. I would appreciate your observation concerning the article that I wrote and what your initial perspective is.

    I guess what I’m saying is, do you think that as an ex Jehovah’s Witness who speaks out about what I perceive to be the organisation’s ills towards former members makes me a narc? In other words, am I a narc without even realising it?

    I suppose it boils down to motive, how do you isolate the real motive…

    Have look at the article and let me know. If you could write your observation/comment on the actual article itself, that would be swell:

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Clement,
    I will look at your website, but first I will answer you here. No, exposing deceptive practices of a denomination is NOT being a narcissist. Also for anyone reading this if you are afraid peaking the truth about your parents, school, church or boss makes you a narc, think again. Narcissistic people lack empathy and would rarely consider themselves to be a narc because they are mostly concerned about winning arguments and being right to the expense of relationships.

    If you ask the question, “Am I a narcissist?” Chances are you are not. Why because most narcs would never have enough introspection and empathy to analyze how they might come across to others.

    Truth needs to be stated in our families, communities, churches and our jobs. To be a truth speaker is noble and not detrimental.

    Peace and freedom to you!



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