Imagine There’s No Haters

Most controlling parents seem unaware of how much their expectations and punishments suck the life out of their children long after they leave home. I still occasionally feel guilty whenever I cut my hair, eat certain foods or befriend people I know my parents would disapprove of while I was growing up, but I don't …

Be a One Woman Riot

When I was a kid, if my siblings and I argued or made too much noise, we were put on silence. Silence meant we were not allowed to speak or make any noise. If we found a way to communicate through spelling letters through sign language or motioning, we might even be put on frozen …

Don’t Let the Narcissist Define You

One of the most damaging things that happens to ACoNs is when the narcissistic parent tries to define them. The narc will try to define you to yourself, friends and other family members. This is part of the gaslighting treatment and we must diligently refuse to allow such lies to influence us. Let fools and flying monkeys …

Don’t Let the Narc Mess With Your Heart

Think about all the lies, the put downs and the gaslighting. All the times you tried to explain your heart to someone who was committed to misunderstanding it. All the times your empathetic heart was used by the Narcissist, who said it was your own fault. All the times the Narcissist stepped on your heart, …

Celebrate Only in Freedom

This is the time of year we hear lots of quotes and comments about being grateful. Sometimes we even read or hear admonitions to be grateful for what we have and for those of us who have fractured families, it can feel like a slap in the face. Such messages usually come from superficial friends …

The Hidden Elephant of Narcissism

There's a phrase, the elephant in the living room, which purports to describe what it's like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, "How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn't you see the elephant in the living room?" …

Why You Need to Talk with Your Younger Self

Have you ever met a stranger who reminds you of your Grandma? Or reminds you of a mean aunt who verbally abused you? When we react to other people and various stimuli, we are often reacting to our past experiences. These clues might seem like nothing at first, but consider how the triggers of the past influence the …

How to Know When It’s NOT Your Fault

When I was five years old, I was standing outside the swimming pool when my mother asked me to watch my one year old brother while she went inside to get my new born sister who was crying. I watched my brother faithfully. I watched him flip over on his little paddle board. I watched …

Restoration from Narcissistic Abuse

When I was eleven, I had a tabby cat I loved dearly. When we moved, I had to start school late and to make it worse I had to take the fifth grade for a second time due to all of our moving. I was worried I'd never have any friends. But one thing cheered me, …

Congratulations, It’s a Narc

Think of that moment in a movie or real life when a laboring mother is panting and pushing, while the father is offering her words of encouragement, then finally the moment comes when they hear a cry and the doctor announces those magical words, “Congratulations, it's a boy!" Or "Congratulations, it's a girl!" Everyone cries happy …