Just Say No to Bullies

The other day I heard from a young mother who told me about a bullying problem at a Christian school. Her child kept coming home hurt from a bully’s rude comments and hitting. She encouraged her child to stand tall in dignity, look the bully in the eye and ask, "Why are you hitting me?" …

Imagine There’s No Haters

Most controlling parents seem unaware of how much their expectations and punishments suck the life out of their children long after they leave home. I still occasionally feel guilty whenever I cut my hair, eat certain foods or befriend people I know my parents would disapprove of while I was growing up, but I don't …

How to Survive Spiritual Abuse

In my early twenties, I was part of a Christian music ministry and for nine months we sang at a different church every night. We were told to respect the authority of our leaders because they were set in place by God. One day at training camp, I was slapped in the face for leaving a three hour meeting …

Women Pastors and Corporate Abuse in the Church

I've been in mourning these last few weeks. Not over a person--but over a church. Specifically the church I grew up in. The church that has been a spiritual home at least in name to six generations of my family. Yet even though I say six generations of family, my childhood home was far different …

The Spirit of the Lord is Freedom

This blog is about freedom from narcissism and religious abuse. Today I am going to write about the deep sadness in my heart over the church I grew up in and the growing threat to religious liberty. Ted Wilson, the world president of the Seventh day Adventist church is on a witch hunt. Of course …

Independence Day Again

Do you have an independence day? No, I'm not talking about a national holiday, but the day you were set free because you realized a relationship with someone you loved was not going to work any more? It seems we have many independence days along this journey from narcissism. Sometimes we have to get up and declare our independence just to get out of bed …

To Spank or Not to Spank?

One of the biggest reasons I struggle with my parents is because they still feel they have the right to tell me what to do–what kind of music to listen to, how to vote, how to spend my money and how to worship God. For the first twenty years of my life, their will was …

How to Talk to a Flying Monkey

Most of us are familiar with the Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” If only we could reverse these monkeys and send the flying monkeys back with a message to the narc. Can you imagine how much healthier our families would be? I know, it's a fantasy, but we all need a good …

Re-Framing Our Picture of God

Religion has been a turn off for many ACoNs* because abuse thrives in Religious Narcia. In a world full of narcissistic parents, false lovers and self-righteous Christians, God has been grossly misrepresented, but rather than let the narcs destroy our faith, we should re-frame God so we can decide for ourselves. Most ACoNs* crave a …

Being Yourself is NOT Selfish

Somewhere in Religious Narcia, a narcissist started the rumor that anything with the word self in it is selfish. They claim individuality is wrong so only those who give up self for group-think are morally right. This fallacy isn’t biblical and comes from black and white thinking–or rather no thinking at all, since it’s merely a repetition from …