Wake Up Wednesday–Moving Beyond the Dysfunctional Family Circus

Wake up calls are not always negative, sometimes they can be positive. Beth wrote me last week to describe how she had grown up being criticized, false accused and often verbally attacked by her family members. It took leaving home and going away to college for her to realize she wasn't the problem after all. …

How to Deal With Narcissistic Hate-Mail

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a flying monkey or a narcissist, you’ve probably received some hate-mail, but just in case you haven’t, allow me to tell you what it's like so you can be prepared when it happens. It might start out with some of your least favorite things and a long list …

Four Freedoms after Narcissistic Abuse

Mica was a goldfish that lived in a glass bowl. He lived most of his life bumping into a glass divider which kept him from crossing to the other side of the bowl. One day the divider was removed, but Mica swam in the same pattern as before never crossing the bowl. This is because …

Just Say No to Bullies

The other day I heard from a young mother who told me about a bullying problem at a Christian school. Her child kept coming home hurt from a bully’s rude comments and hitting. She encouraged her child to stand tall in dignity, look the bully in the eye and ask, "Why are you hitting me?" …

Imagine There’s No Haters

Most controlling parents seem unaware of how much their expectations and punishments suck the life out of their children long after they leave home. I still occasionally feel guilty whenever I cut my hair, eat certain foods or befriend people I know my parents would disapprove of while I was growing up, but I don't …

How to Survive Spiritual Abuse

In my early twenties, I was part of a Christian music ministry and for nine months we sang at a different church every night. We were told to respect the authority of our leaders because they were set in place by God. One day at training camp, I was slapped in the face for leaving a three hour meeting …

Women Pastors and Corporate Abuse in the Church

I've been in mourning these last few weeks. Not over a person--but over a church. Specifically the church I grew up in. The church that has been a spiritual home at least in name to six generations of my family. Yet even though I say six generations of family, my childhood home was far different …

The Spirit of the Lord is Freedom

This blog is about freedom from narcissism and religious abuse. Today I am going to write about the deep sadness in my heart over the church I grew up in and the growing threat to religious liberty. Ted Wilson, the world president of the Seventh day Adventist church is on a witch hunt. Of course …

Independence Day Again

Do you have an independence day? No, I'm not talking about a national holiday, but the day you were set free because you realized a relationship with someone you loved was not going to work any more? It seems we have many independence days along this journey from narcissism. Sometimes we have to get up and declare our independence just to get out of bed …

To Spank or Not to Spank?

One of the biggest reasons I struggle with my parents is because they still feel they have the right to tell me what to do–what kind of music to listen to, how to vote, how to spend my money and how to worship God. For the first twenty years of my life, their will was …