If you’re an empathetic person, you could easily become the target of a toxic narcissist. This is not your fault, but awareness can help you avoid such pitfalls. When it comes to supplying their needs narcissists know there is no one more likely to keep feeding them than an empathetic person.
Empathetic people have been known to put their own bills on hold to pay for someone else and if that someone else is not holding down a job, they are probably a narcissist.
The narcissist has a victim mentality. The boss didn’t like them, so they fired them. The landlord didn’t like the way they decorated with spray paint and graffiti, so they asked them to leave. They would pay their bills, but they can’t find a decent job—decent being relevant to their ego’s demands. Besides why work when you can get people to work for you?
An empathetic person who has been raised by a narcissistic parent might be at high risk for becoming codependent. They have been trained to give and give and they learned to get their self-worth through giving because the narcissistic parent only valued them for what they could give them.
Recovery from codependency is a lonely job for the empathetic person because who in the family cares? Not the apathetic family members who want you to be quiet and stop causing trouble and certainly not the toxic narcissist who wants you to keep feeding them your resources.
It seems bleak, but in reality the person with the most empathy wins–but only when we learn to turn a deaf ear to the victim’s whining and the flying monkey’s accusations.
Here’s the thing: the toxic narc and flying monkeys want to heap tons of shame on you because you’ve acknowledged a situation they wish to ignore. Once you’ve swallowed the truth pill, there’s no going back. To hang out with victims and flying monkeys is impossible—you’d have to check reality at the door.
You are not alone. No matter what the narcissist and flying monkeys accuse us of or how they try to frame us, we are not their kind of people and we never will be because we have empathetic hearts. The best thing we can do is go where we are celebrated.